


Subjugation

by ThisPolarNoise



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Welcome to Night Vale
Genre: Crack, Crack Crossover, Gen, M/M, Originally Posted on FanFiction.Net, fluff and nonsense
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-11
Updated: 2014-06-11
Packaged: 2019-09-12 11:31:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,114
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16872159
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThisPolarNoise/pseuds/ThisPolarNoise
Summary: Loki arrives on Midgard, but not in the place he was aiming for...





	Subjugation

Loki grinned. After months of preparation and planning on a dark and distant moon, he was ready. Ready to go to the realm Thor loved so much and wreak havoc. This was going to be fun.

The blue haze of the Tesseract engulfed him and he was gone from that world.

When he opened his eyes, it was bright, a warm sun shining down on him. Loki could feel steam from the travel pouring off his armour and looked up, grinning evilly.

Instead of the base he'd been expecting, several metres in front of him stood a man. He wore a white coat which fit his muscular frame perfectly with a pair of shorts and a shirt printed with flowers underneath it. He was watering a few strange looking plants with a hose. Loki looked further up towards the man's face. He was  _perfect_. Loki blinked, not expecting to see such a beautiful person on Midgard. He had a perfect and beautiful haircut with a distinguished brush of grey at each temple and teeth like a military cemetery (although Loki wasn't sure where that image had come from). His square jaw was dusted with the sort of stubble that suggested he'd just forgotten to shave that morning around his chin. Loki's eyes again strayed to his perfect hair. It was very impressive. All the same, he had to make a terrifying first impression in order to be taken seriously.

"Kneel before me, mortal."

The perfect man blinked a few times at him then turned to the door of the house behind him and yelled: "Cecil! Did the station get any warnings through about megalomaniacs falling from the sky today?"

"No, that isn't until next week!"

"Are you sure?"

There were a few seconds of footsteps then another man stepped out of the house into the sunlight. He wasn't short or tall or fat or thin. He had a nose, hair and several eyes, and regarded Loki with two of them.

"Why?" The one apparently known as Cecil asked before noticing Loki. "Oh, that's just a demigod."

The other man raised a perfect eyebrow.

"I know, it's pretty unusual, we normally only get the Greeks and Romans on this side of town."

"That woman with the owls last month, that was...?"

"Athena. The City Council summoned her about the escaped Librarians. They figured the Goddess of Knowledge could do a better job recapturing them than the Sheriff's Secret Police."

"They... They kind of got that wrong, didn't they?"

"It certainly was a pity about all those owls." Cecil agreed, then turned to Loki. "Where are you heading?"

Loki stared at him, slightly shocked at Cecil's calmness then realised this man was definitely not a regular mortal. "New Mexico. Where am I?"

"Oh, you're in Night Vale right now, outside mine and Carlos' home."

"Where is New Mexico?"

Cecil checked his watch. "It should be a few hours away if you set off soon."

The demigod narrowed his eyes, wondering what he meant. The perfect man who Loki now knew to be Carlos finally turned off his hose.

"I'll go find the map." He said, shooting smile at Cecil before heading into the house.

"So..." Cecil said slightly awkwardly. "Why are you heading to New Mexico anyway?"

"To release humanity from the great lie that is freedom." Loki growled.

"Oh, you've picked the perfect time of year for that." Cecil said, his face suddenly lighting up. "And recently the weather has been just right for subjugation."

"What?"

"You know, the process of controlling or enslaving? Normally I'd say wait until later on in the season but..."

"Yes, I know what it means."

"I guess you'll be going after one of the Vague, Yet Menacing, Government Agencies first?"

"...Yes, that certainly was the plan."

"New Mexico is SHIELD, right?" He said conversationally.

"Among others."

Carlos returned with the map before he could be asked any more questions, thankfully. This map was unlike any he'd ever seen before, on Earth or Asgard. A single sheet of paper of peculiar consistency, with a small purple eye in the centre of a desert. He looked at the two Midgardians suspiciously.

"You'll work it out eventually." Carlos said dismissively.

Loki hesitated for a second. "You seem rather knowledgeable on the subject of world domination. You couldn't give me any advice, could you?"

"Not really, I never got my Leading a Revolution badge. Earl Harlan the Scout Master might be able to help though." He added brightly.

"And you might not want to try using a death ray." Carlos added darkly. Cecil looked at him with a surprised expression. "Most scientists go through a death ray phase, Cecil."

"Did yours work?"

"Yeah, but I was working at a zoo for some extra money and there was this thing with the guy operating the puma enclosure..." He scratched his head vaguely. "I don't want to talk about it."

Loki sensed he was probably interrupting something at this point. He examined the map for a second time before hiding it inside his cloak. Somewhere in this ridiculously hot place was a man who could help him with his glorious new purpose and Loki intended to find him. With a single glance back at the strange pair, he walked away. Earl Harlan. Loki wondered if he already had his first minion.

  


* * *

 

It took a while to learn what he needed from the Scout Master but when Loki finally got onto the bus he knew could take him close enough to the Tesseract to allow him to teleport to SHIELD's base, Loki knew the delays in his plan had been worth it. It later on in the day than he'd hoped but that meant he'd get to New Mexico in the night and he'd always been a sucker for dramatics. He was sat in a seat fairly close to the front, as far away from the other passengers as he could be, and realised that the driver had the radio on.

He could hear the voice of one of the men from earlier, speaking just as easily as before: " _...We received a visit from a Norse god today, listeners. It was Loki, passing through on his way to New Mexico to subjugate humanity and release us from the great lie that is freedom. Now, I know there might be some sceptics out there who already think that free will is just a lie fabricated by the City Council to get us to pay more of the recently legislated Blood Tax, but I wish him luck and hope he won't forget his short time in our little community when he becomes Supreme Ruler of the Nine Realms..._ "


End file.
